In Between.

As people, we are complex. For the most part we are not black and white but various shades of grey. I am okay with this on many levels and actually cherish it about humanity. How creative our Creator is to make us uniquely. We can have healthy debates and arguments about God, marriage, raising children, eating organically,watching television,telling your kids about Santa and the list goes on til' the end of time. But here is the rub for me. I have strong opinions about most things. I appreciate this about myself. At the same time, I am a people pleaser to my core. I want people to like me. I don't want hurt feelings, ruffle the feathers or the waters or anything else that can be messed with so much so that I can say things I don't mean, or not say what I really want to say. So here I am- in between a great desire to be honest with those around me, myself especially, and wanting to honor people. Is it possible? Could I do both? Could I say what I really mean, plain and simple, and still keep my friends? Can I have an honest conversation with someone without sheer panic that I will walk away with one less friend? Am I willing for people to be so honest with me? Am I really willing to be so honest with me? I don't know...honestly. All I know, is in this moment as I sit on my couch with a few more minutes to spare before I have to go pick my kids up from school, I want to wipe the slate clean. All of the bad habits I have gotten into of not being completely honest. This blog is a place to write about my honesty's with myself and others and it is my accountability to this desire within me. What if for one year, I committed to never say something I did not mean, went into to conversations and confrontations with courage to lovingly say what I feel and think regardless of how the other person reacts? I am not making that commitment, just wondering what would happen if I did. Ok. I feel better for saying all of that.